A small poem for those who still loves 90s

Be a child with your parents,

Be a dumbass with your friends,

Be a mature with your colleagues,

Be the combination of all with your partner

Some Miscellaneous before I start my laughably boring ride

Whatsapp= Where ‘Thumbs up’ is the worst

Facebook= Where ‘Thumbs up ‘is used occasionally, frequently and forcefully

Tinder- Where ‘Middle Finger ‘ is used literally after virtual ‘Thumbs up’

Metup= Failed Tinder

Happn=It never happens in India

Paytm ka Almamater= Cashback

Instagram= I want to be with/like Snapchat

Snapchat= I am taken

Twitter= I am committed till 140 characters

Reddit= I am origin of everything on Internet

Quora= I think I am Reddit for Indians

Wikipedia= Sadly, I am turning to be Quora slowly

Tumblr= Who am I? What’s the fuzz?

Pinterst= I am everywhere in Google Images after Imgur

Playstore= Kind of a ‘Free’ store

Itunes= Not so kind and free

FM=I still exist

Calculator= When you can’t add 10+10

*Ladies & Their Not-so-gentlemen, please welcome the next standup comedian, Bhavik Sarkhedi, author of three published but flopped books and an aspiring copywriter unlike Ogilvy.

Hello Beautiful Girls & Just Guys,

I am Bhavik Sarkhedi, I just came here to check if I can make at least a single person laugh because no, my roomies don’t even giggle on my PJs. This is my first open mic ever. So, yes, I am scared and there’s definitely going to be a shit of load on you, so bear & spare me.

All the Grammar Nazis,

Kindly ignore your ego to rectify my auxiliary verbs, abstract nouns and any weird adjectives that I tried to fit into the conversation when you aren’t laughing. Please.

And needless to say, this work is purely fictional and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I may 😀

It’s because ‘meri feelings bhi hurt hui hein’.

I remember the time when I anchored a college function (I shouldn’t), I spoke, “Rangeela, mane maro dhol” instead of “ Rangelo maro dhol”.

Arrrrrr Arrrrrrr

What would have struck my mind at that time?

Temperature is below 30 degrees, Ye plane ab udega

Journey Title= Orkut se Snapchat Tak.

That mediocre guy is like “Dono nahi pata” Don’t worry bro, Instagram ayega bichme

So, it all started when I found my match, not a tinder, but a room match, I am his soul mate because he is single, he is genius. I call him ‘G spot’.

It’s hard to find him too.

Recently, I was updating my facebook profile and he said:Bhai, duniya reddit pe hein and you are still on FB. I don’t use FB blah.

This guy ruined my life with his singleness. The vibes were so strong that he made me single too. I was so happy and contended with Facebook and he advised me to try Twitter.

You know my mother had made a matrimonial resume too.

Engineer, Skills: Facebook Photography, 100 likes guaranteed, speculates a rise of 300 percent hike if gets a wife.

Ruined. Verified.

I tried but couldn’t get any number of 3 figures of followers in Twitter.

It’s so tough to get ‘Unpaid’ and ‘Unpadh’ followers, man.

In facebook, you can write shit: You can write an essay because nobody gives a damn about you in real life.

In Twitter, I felt more lonely and insecure. I can’t expres myself. So, I would start with (in order to fit in 140 characters), “Girl, I saw you in pink, I blinked,..Can we have sex please, please? I will pay return fare too.”

Transition was difficult “Photographer” se “Writer”

I told my mother to edit my resume too.

Edit: Requires only 140 characters to reach sexting.

Just when I learned Twitter, Facebook found his love ‘Instagram’.

What the hell? ‘Ab toh mein Writer Hun, na ma? Fir se Photographer ban jau?

It’s so a feminist social network. I failed in that too.

Then my friend came “Bhai, Snapchat daala, Snapchat daala?” I was furious.

I said, “Out of so many important things to daal, you always asks me for something I am devoid of. I feel impotent.”

I tell you, I can never ever Snapchat, It’s a nightmare app. So, I thought I would better switch to Orkut but then I knew it was shut down. Now, I only had one option.

PORN

Tell me, what’s one of the common things in lick, dick, suck and fuck? It’s the CK

Calvin Klein.

I saw the quote on one of my virgin friend’s mobile cover, “68. You owe me one.”

What? What?

I couldn’t resist but told him “Dude, 69 is ulta sex. When was the last time you had siddha sex?”

He said, I am single and I need no love.

I was like “Bhai, Tu gaali me bhi love boldeta hein. You don’t say lode, you have always said love de.”

Okay, we are talking about porn and I must say that it’s funny sometimes when there is a foreplay in the foreplay.

The hero- The accountant, the robber, banker, plumber, pizza guy, the president

Anybody except a normal homo sapien finds the toughest way to enter into the house of a hot woman,

The opened front door.